A Toolkit for Volunteer Leaders
[ Up ] [ Interpersonal ] [ Listening ] [ Public Speaking ] [ Writing ] [ Nonverbal ] [ Preparation to Teach ] [ Teaching Behaviors ] [ Using Learing Techniques ]

Listening C-2

Flies (and feet) won't enter a closed mouth.

We spend more time each day listening than we do speaking or writing. Yet we receive less training for effective listening skills than for the other two forms of communication.

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

By the time you finish this module you should be able to:

1. Identify skills and habits of effective listening.
2. Improve your listening skills and habits.

LISTEN TO GET AND GIVE FEEDBACK

Good communication is a two-way process. People tend to listen to you when you listen to them. Once you have spoken, the other person often responds. When that occurs, take time to listen. If your mind is preoccupied with what you are going to say next, you aren't listening. Instead, give the other person the attention and respect that you in turn would like from her.

Listening involves more than hearing. It involves a certain physical presence with that person--facing the person squarely, with an open posture, preferably within arms length, with good eye contact. Listening begins with a door opener, an invitation to give feedback: "Tell me about it," "What is your opinion?" Listening then involves giving verbal and non-verbal feedback that conveys understanding and respect. Acknowledge and paraphrase your understanding of the other person's message: "You feel that..." "I can see your point." "What do you mean by...?" Probe for further clarification of the person's underlying needs and concerns. Avoid "why" questions, which put the person on the defensive. In short, a good communicator knows how to listen--as well as speak.

Let's review briefly the communication process. In my head I have a certain thought or emotion that I wish to convey. I convert that image into a coded message that consists of words and nonverbal expression, which I transmit to another person. The receiver then interprets the meaning of that verbal/nonverbal message. Communication breaks down when the sender and receiver assign different meaning to the coded message sent. In short, what the other person heard was not what I intended.

We must regularly check signals--to insure that both the sender and receiver assign the same meaning to the message sent. We do this by seeking and giving feedback: "Please summarize for me what you understood me to say." "If understood you correctly, you think (feel/suggest/want)...." A good communicator takes care to clarify meanings.

TAKE TIME TO LISTEN

Effective communication involves listening more than persuasion. It involves tuning in and building on the ideas of others. Rarely do people get as excited about another person's idea as they do about their own idea. We often turn people off by not responding appropriately. People are more likely to listen to you when you have listened to them. Effective communication is a two-way process. Feedback is essential to good decisions.

Listening is also very effective in resolving conflict and in working out differences. We typically respond to challenges by becoming more forceful in reaffirming the rationale and logic of our position. We point out the weaknesses of the opposing position, and defend ourselves to any criticism. This heats up the transaction, and triggers our emotions. Listening, in contrast cools the transaction, uncovers miscommunication, heightens understanding and shows respect. Most conflict is the result of miscommunication.

When people become disruptive, e.g., repeat themselves, raise their voices, dominate the discussion, become emotional and argumentative, it is a sure sign they feel they are not being listened to, understood or respected. This behavior will continue until you prove to them otherwise. Also, listening can be therapeutic in helping volunteer leaders work out the frustrations they encounter in community service.

Empathetic listening is likewise effective in getting people to open up and share with you, to reveal their real needs and true feelings, to participate and become more active. A major cause of apathy is the failure of you and me to really listen.

Good people managers are aware of the importance of listening. They are aware that listening involves more than hearing and understanding the other person. They know that for listening to be motivational, it must be clearly demonstrated. The other person must feel listened to, understood and respected. Otherwise the motivational power of listening is lost. In short, listening must be active to be effective.

SKILLS/ATTITUDES FOR EFFECTIVE LISTENING

Be attentive. Get in a straight line with the person, preferably within arms length. Make regular eye contact. Look alive and interested.

Physically react. Nod, smile, shake your head in agreement or disagreement, take notes, say "mm-hm" or "good point," "tell me more," "I see," "explain that further," "go on," in support of what the person said. Your stern unexpressive face tells people you're not interested, whether you are or not.

Reflect. Summarize back to the person, in your own words, what you feel were the key points made: "You feel...." "You are concerned with..." Such reflecting shows you are listening and interested in what the person has to say. It can also nip in the bud misunderstandings. Paraphrase, don't parrot.

Reflect the feelings as well as the verbal content of the message: "You were annoyed by...," "You sound troubled."

Ask questions. Seek clarification of the facts and the feelings. Use questions to get information rather than manipulate the conversation.

Don't judge. Put aside the need to persuade, to defend yourself, to judge and to argue with what is being said. Instead concentrate on trying to understand the other person's point of view. Give people the time they need to express themselves. Show you care. People will be open to you only after you have been open to them.

Show acceptance. Say, "Good point." "It took a lot of courage to share that with me, thanks." "I can see you've given this a lot of thought." Demonstrate to people that their views are important to the discussion at hand, even though you may sometimes disagree with them. Acceptance doesn't have to mean agreement.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

1. Do you use effective listening techniques?

2. What happens to your listen skills when you are under pressure?

3. How might you improve your own habits?

EXERCISE:

Plan an occasion to visit someone it your office or theirs. Review the suggestions in this module before and after you visit with them. Note which skills you are using effectively and which habits still need work. Repeat this exercise for different individuals in different situations. Remember to check the suggestions before and after each visit.