A Toolkit for Volunteer Leaders
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Non-verbal Communication C-5

You catch more flies with syrup than with vinegar.

During interpersonal communication we communicate in two ways: verbally and non- verbally. Unless the nonverbal message is consistent with the verbal message, we communicate contradictory or confusing messages.

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

After finishing this module you should be able to:

1. Recognize the importance of non-verbal communication.
2. Observe non-verbal communication which supports or contradicts the verbal message.
3. Practice non-verbal communication which is consistent with a verbal message.

HOW DO WE COMMUNICATE NON-VERBALLY

We communicate non-verbally by facial expressions, gestures, posture, bodily action, eye contact, and personal appearance. We do this consciously sometimes but usually we do it unconsciously. There are approximately 700,000 non-verbal signals that have been identified. We can improve our communication if we can become aware of unconscious signals that we give which contradict or distract from our verbal message. We can also consciously use non-verbal messages to reinforce our verbal message. This takes effort to observe non-verbal messages, to understand when they support and when they distract from the verbal message, to anticipate situations when we wish to consciously use non-verbal communication, and to practice (rehearse then use) non- verbal reinforcement properly.

Consider some examples:

Facial expression indicates joy, fear, confidence, attentiveness, sadness, anger, friendliness, hostility, etc. Use the friendly smile to break the ice and communicate openness.

Gestures can encourage or discourage contact. Stroking the chin may indicate thoughtfulness--that the listener is considering what was just said. Rubbing the nose may indicate disbelief or even contempt. Arms locked across the chest may indicate defensiveness or hostility. Clenched fists may indicate nervousness, fear or hostility. Some "public speakers" have learned to "over use" gestures. Waving arms and mechanically repeated hand gestures can detract from the verbal message. Use natural gestures with the hands to illustrate or emphasize a point. Do not clasp your hands or just let them hang at your sides or always keep them in your pockets. These gestures (of lack of gestures) make you appear stiff and/or nervous. The ability to use natural gestures can be improved with practice and experience.

Posture should be natural, not exaggerated. Slumping indicates laziness or lack of interest. Rigid posture indicates fear or nervousness. Leaning slightly toward a person indicates respect and attentiveness. Leaning slightly backward at the appropriate time can reinforce that you are seriously considering what was said (especially when used with facial expression and gestures). Posture is particularly important when listening to a speaker. People like to "get comfortable" but in so doing they may give the speaker the message that they are not listening or that they are bored. Practice sitting up straight and leaning forward to give the speaker a positive non-verbal message (taking notes helps if you lean forward and write on a table or desk arm).

Bodily action -- jerky movements may indicate nervousness, impatience or hostility. They usually detract from the spoken word. When speaking before groups don't pace back an forth; don't rock from one foot to another; don't bob your shoulders. Don't unnecessarily shuffle your notes or play with jewelry or coins in your pocket. To put a person at ease keep your bodily movements slow and smooth. Don't persistently groom yourself (ie., brush your hair back with your hand. This may communicate lack of confidence, or that you are preoccupied with yourself--even self-centered. During an interview or office conference when you are trying to make a favorable impression, avoid tapping your shoe on the floor or your fingers on anything. A variation of this sign of impatience is to cross your legs and move your foot rhythmically. Watch for the person to sit up in his/her chair. This may mean that your time is up. If you want to give a non-verbal message that you need to end a conversation in your office, trying shifting forward in your chair. Do it smoothly and slightly the first time. Then try a slightly more abrupt movement. If it does not work then you may need to tell the person that you have another appointment or a need to finish your work before you can continue.

Eye contact is important to show respect and attentiveness (but not in all cultures). This non-verbal message, like virtually all of them, can be over used and therefore distract. The eyeball itself shows no expression. The tissue around your eyes can be used purposefully (usually for facial expression). Avoid scowls or blank stares. Maintaining eye contact for a few seconds emphasizes a point. Be careful of looking out the window or focusing on an object in the room when communicating interpersonally. When speaking to groups try to establish eye contact with various people in different parts of the room.

Personal appearance includes cleanliness, neatness, grooming, and clothes appropriate to the occasion. You can overdress for some occasions. College professors who overdress or wear reading glasses in informal community meetings support the stereotype of "ivory tower intellectuals who have nothing practical to offer." Many people like to establish their "identity" or individual uniqueness through exaggerated grooming or clothing. This can distract from effective communication. It may stereotype the individual in a way that is detrimental to communication.

Caution!!! The examples given above are indications, not absolute rules. Non-verbal signals can be easily misinterpreted. Before reacting to a non-verbal signal, look for other signals that support or neutralize it.

Likewise avoid using non-verbal gestures to manipulate other people. Your lack of sincerity will get you into more trouble than occasionally and inadvertently misusing nonverbal signals.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

1. Can you add to the examples of non-verbal signals which can help or hinder communication.

2. What non-verbal signals irritate you most?

3. What non-verbal signals do you consciously use to reinforce your message?

EXERCISE:

Take turns role-playing the following situations. Those who are not in the role play should take notes on non-verbal signals that help or detract from the verbal message.

1. Office visit to get acquainted. Both individuals want to get acquainted with the other person and make a favorable impression. Both consider that the other person may be a helpful collaborator on some project in the future.

2. Office interview. One person interviews the other person who has applied to be the interviewer's personal secretary. Three other equally qualified applicants are waiting to be interviewed.

3. Conflict. Person #1 is the boss of #2. #2 has received an annual evaluation that is slightly below last year's evaluation. #2 is unhappy because performance and accomplishment have been equal to last year's. #1 firmly believes that the evaluation was correct, that #2 is a valuable employee but can improve in performance and accomplishment.

4. Conflict. Person #1 is President of a volunteer organization. #2 is a volunteer who is frustrated with the organization and wants to drop out. Since they have always been friends #2 wants to tell #1 face to face before simply dropping out.

5. Give an extemporaneous speech in which you wish to convince the group (representing the parks and recreation committee) that they should use new funds to build tennis courts rather than a swimming pool. Most of the group favors a swimming pool.

6. Design your own role play situation based on experiences that you have had when your interpersonal communication was misinterpreted.

7. Design a role play based on an upcoming event when you need to use effective communication in a delicate situation.

After each role play, discuss what happened (both role players and observers). Discuss non-verbal signals which were used or misused. Decide how the role players could have improved their non-verbal communication skills.